I love music! I even have to speak in a previous blog. Today, with a work colleague, I made a playlist on my iphone to relax the atmosphere. After a couple of songs, we noticed a resemblance very striking: the voices of singers. They all seem to suffer! And often when I listen to music, I say, 'Look how there seems to suffer! It's so ...! " I do not know why but when I listen to Dallas Green, Milow, Robert Pattinson, Stone Sour, Kings of Leon etc. .... their voices come get me. They look closer to their emotions. You can feel the very molo voice. Feels thou, screws with them ... I am a girl who lives his life through my emotions so I was thinking it would be for that! BUT!
My colleague started to know me .. it is 1 year and a half we worked together and she told me: "It's not just the singers with a voice" suffering "that attract you! But of all men who suffer!"
When she told me that, I started to question me about the guy who made me tripper, I liked the guy I was. The distress is striking! Ok, they are not on the verge of suicide, but the distress is present at different levels. Every person has their inner pain, the rejection of a mother, a desire to please, insecurity, heartbreak unlived ... And they all had their method try to camouffler. Some used the infidelity, other violence or denial. But one thing is on, the pain managed to surface.
Someone dear to me, I could even easily hesitation in saying that never love someone as hard as I liked it, use the rejection. All his life, he was rejected by the people he loved. His mother, father, close friends ... everyone rejected. Yet! The years we were together made me see how he was inside. Much love to give but so afraid of losing the people around him. It has begun to lie to those he loved. He lied, he cheated on me (more than once) but even still, I can not blame him. His defense is displeasing to those concerned with him. He will reject as not to give up again.
Why I can not detach myself from him? I never know why I will not want to abandon it and despite his bad behavior, I defended it, saying only acted to protect themselves as well? Why I focus on someone like that? Why I definitely want to try to save him?
why when I am attracted to a man, he is hiding inside of him suffering? Why it is I who must pay part of the price? Because in reality, it's on I suffer in my turn! I have to undergo lse "side effects" of suffering and some are harder than others! This is not rosy to be wrong, but the physical or psychological violence can be harder to overcome. Rejection and lying are also effects that are harmful to me later in my future relationships ...
The real question is why I attract men suffering? Why I'm unconsciously attracted by this distress? How do I feel? Should I change something in my life ... ?
Martiny <3
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